One Year Ago . . . - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama

One Year Ago . . .

by - Thursday, February 16, 2017

Last night I started going through some of Millie Jo's baby clothes and as I sat in my living room floor, I just started crying thinking about Ruthie Belle ... wondering all about her.  And then it hit me, one year ago this week Dan and I found out we were going from the Pegram 4 to the Pegram 5.  Honestly, I can't remember the exact day but perhaps it was yesterday or today because I have just felt so sad.

One year ago.

It doesn't even seem possible.

I can remember the day we found out like it was yesterday.  I was 'late' and I was home alone so I took a pregnancy test ... ok, fine, six ... and they all came back positive.  I went straight to the store, grabbed a pack of the Reese Cup Easter Eggs [they are Dan's favorite] and took them up to his work.  I was so excited, I couldn't even wait until he got home to tell him.  He came out to my car, I handed them to him, smiled and said "if I'm going to get fat again, so are you."  He knew right then I was pregnant.  He had no clue I even thought I was so he was SO surprised.  We hugged, we cried, we said things like "oh my goodness, we are going to be outnumbered" and we hugged some more.

It's a day I never want to forget.

We saw her heart beating for the very first time on March 7, 2016.  Another day I never want to forget.  God already knowing that she was going to remain tiny and perfect and that He was going to keep her with Him.  He also knew that one year later at this exact time, I would be sharing our story to many people.

Never in my dreams did I think we would be here ... where we are today ... a year later.  Here, without our girl in our arms.

God knew.

As I cried there in my living room floor, surrounded by all these tiny baby girl clothes, the only thing I wanted to do in that very moment was thank God.  I thanked Him for Ruthie Belle's life and for choosing me to be her mama.  For Him letting me carry her, even if it was only for 15 short weeks. 

Of all people, He chose me.

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