The Perfectly Imperfect Mama: Life Lessons

RAISING OUR CHILDREN TO BE THE CHANGE

by Whitney Pegram - Monday, June 01, 2020

RAISING A SON TO BE A MAN OF GOD

by Whitney Pegram - Thursday, August 01, 2019

LET DAD BE DAD.

As boys get older, they tend to confide in their dads more. Not like they did when they were toddlers and needed mama for everything. Let them go to dad and don't interfere. They understand each other! You know, that man to man stuff.

BE AN EXAMPLE OF HOW A GODLY WOMAN IS & SHOULD BE.

I pray for my children daily and I also pray for all of their spouses as well. I have since they were babies. I know, I know, that's years away, but God hears the desires of my heart and years away or not, He already has His perfect plan in place. It is my job as a mother to be an example of a Godly woman so that one day, my son will want that in a wife and mother. He is watching the way I react to things, if I'm quick to anger, if I show grace, if I take care of my family and our home.

LET HIM HEAR YOU ASK FOR FORGIVENESS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE WRONG AND FORGIVE WHEN SOMEONE HAS WRONGED YOU.

No one is perfect and if we were, we would not need Jesus Christ. But we do, BIG time! I want my son to know and understand that he will fail God daily, but when he does, he needs to go to Him and ask for forgiveness. Same for if he wrongs anyone else. Being able to admit your wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness is huge and such an amazing trait to have.

I also want him to be able to have the heart to forgive when someone wrongs him. Let's face it, it will happen even though my mama heart never, ever wants it to. I want him to be able to forgive someone who has wronged him and I want him to be able to forgive someone even if they are not sorry. Sometimes in life, that happens. But for the sake of his own heart, I want him to know how to do that. I often think about God and how many people in the world do horrible things but never confess their sins to Him. They never ask for His forgiveness, yet, He still loves them.

LET HIM SEE YOU PRAY AND READING YOUR BIBLE.

Ever heard the saying "monkey see, monkey do?" Our sons are watching us. They see when trials come and how amazing would it be to instead of reacting in anger, they see us cry out to God for help or open the Bible for answers. Not just when troubled times come, but it should be something we do every single day. It shouldn't just be on our daily checklist of things to do to get into God's Word every day, it should be how we want to start each day.

LET HIM LEAD NIGHTLY DEVOTION AND PRAYER.

Speaking from personal experience, when you let them help lead your family devotion, they learn to love it and ask to do it often. Before you know it, they will come into the family room, Bible in hand, asking if they can read a verse that night. Let them.

TEACH HIM TO BE GRATEFUL.

Gratitude. I want to raise my son to be grateful for all things. From the food on his plate, to his prayer that God answered no to, to his family, to unwanted situations. To the wonderful times in life to the hard times in life .. in all things, I want him to give thanks.

LISTEN TO HIM.

Boys like to hold things in more than girls. When my son comes to me and asks to talk to me, I know it must be really important. So I always stop what I'm doing and make sure I make eye contact with him so he knows he has my full attention. I want to make sure he always knows he can come to me & trust me with whatever he needs to talk about.

PRAY FOR HIM AND HIS BUDDIES.

The world only continues to get meaner and so often, we let people's actions and decisions influence us. Peer pressure is real and it's important for us to pray for the friends that our sons have. Pray that they are good examples of Christ, that they are good influences, and that they are trying every day to live their life for the Lord. Also pray that your son is the kind of friend who is an example of Christ and that never forgets Whose he is.

TEACH HIM TO BE HUMBLE AND KIND.

They may go to school with a brand new pair of shoes, but that does not mean they need to go brag about them and how much they cost to other people. Teach them to be humble. Teach them that others may not be able to have things like that and that is okay. They are still masterpieces of God, just like we are. There will be first days of school and first days of school after Christmas break where they want to go talk about all the new things they got & while it's okay to be excited about those things, it is NOT okay to go share and brag about them. God gives mercy to those who humble themselves before Him. Just because someone doesn't have the things you have or doesn't look like you, doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind. It is our duty as Christians to befriend them. No one should be treated differently. I don't care if my son grows up to be a doctor, engineer or a football player .. what I do care about is that no matter what, he is kind.

RESPECT.

Teaching our sons how to treat a woman is crucial. Teach them to hold doors for women, to open car doors for them and to use their manners. Even more than that, we need to teach our sons that when it comes to females, no means NO. That may sound silly but as a mama to two girls also, I pray that any guy that comes into their lives, his mama has taught him that no means no.

TAKE THEM TO CHURCH.

We need to teach our sons the importance of serving. Just saying we are Christians is not enough. We have to live our life for Christ. We have to serve. We have to study the Bible. We have to be in church so that we are constantly being fed the Word. We want when our sons are out from underneath our roof, to continue to go to church and someday when they have their own family, that they keep them involved and lead them well.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Epshesian 6:11-12

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THE SIMPLE DAYS

by Whitney Pegram - Thursday, June 20, 2019

I live for the simple days with my kiddos. Like, I LOVE them so much. In our house, we call them our "do nothing days."

But in today's world .. thanks social media .. those sweet, simple days try to make us feel like we are not enough as a mama.

What happen to simple?

What happen to summer days spent doing a whole lot of nothing except for that one week you go on a family vacation? And then after that, you come back home to riding your bike or staying out until it was dark.

Why do we feel like we have to entertain our children every single day by going out & spending money!?

Some of my most favorite days are the ones spent at home, playing outside together, sitting down & coloring or even playing board games .. even though that always ends up with someone getting mad because they lost.

What happen to simple summers??

Why can't days spent outside playing in our backyard & eating popsicles be enough?!

What about playing in the sprinkler or the slip & slide.

Why do we, as mama's, struggle so bad with this??!

Two words ..

Social Media.

Social media makes it so hard to have a simple summer. Heck, it makes it hard to just have one day where you do absolutely nothing! You scroll your Instagram feed & see mama's doing BIG things with her kiddos & you suddenly feel like you should be doing something BIG with your children instead of spending the day at home.

What if my kids are missing out?

What if they hear their friends talking about all the cool things they did & wish I was a "more fun" mama?

Truth be told, it's the days spent with me during those simple days is what they will remember the most. They will remember the time we went to see Dinosaurs Alive, the days spent at the amusement park or all the movies we saw at the movie theater, but those aren't the days they talk about often. What they talk about are those days when I throw football out in the yard, the days we give each other makeovers & all the patio picnics we have. Those are the days they want to do over & over!

Goodness gracious, we love to go do fun things that cost money .. heck, we are going to Disney this fall & can't wait. But Mama, it's okay to NOT go, go, go all summer long. Don't compare your life to others on social media. It's ok to stay home & keep your pjs on all day, it's ok to make all your kiddos have nap/rest time so you can have a minute because if you don't, you may literally lose your mind .. UP IN HERE!

You are enough & those simple days are enough.

The little things really are the big things.

We may call them our "do nothing days" but really, a lot is happening in our hearts & minds & if you ask me, they're the sweetest days.

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DON'T BE LIKE THE REST OF THEM, DARLING

by Whitney Pegram - Wednesday, September 19, 2018

A couple months ago, Millie Jo had went to Home Depot with Dan. When she got home, later that evening, she came to me & asked if she could tell me something. I, of course, said yes. I want all of my children to always be able to come to me, trust me, & know that they can always tell me anything … no matter what.

I could tell she was upset so I sat her down & asked her what was wrong. She started telling me that while her & Dan were walking through the store, she was twirling around because #MillieJo … the girl twirls more than she walks, & this other little girl walked by her & said "I'm prettier than you" & started twirling around herself.

Millie Jo was crushed by her comment.

And I was crushed for her being so upset about it.

Girls can be mean.

Really mean.

I spent time reassuring her that the little girl was not being nice but also explaining to her that yes, that little girl was being mean, but she should still be kind to her. We never know what someone is going through & as Christians we are to love as Christ loves us.

I reminded her how beautiful she is & that she's so beautiful because Jesus is in her heart.

I made sure she knew that it was perfectly normal for her to be hurt, but know that the little girl's words were not true.

I want to raise my girls to know that they don't have to be like the other girls. Just because their friends are doing something, doesn't mean they have to. I don't want them to look for their worth in anyone or anything. I want them to know that only Jesus can give them that. I don't want them to judge others on their outer appearance, I want them to be kind.

I want them to know that beauty is not only on the outside. Do I think it's important to take care of yourself? Absolutely. But I want them to know that even on the days when they are all dolled up, they are the same person as if they were in their sweats, messy bun & no make up. I want them to stay true to who God made them to be. I want them to have a pure heart. I want them to stay humble. I want them to know that happy girls are the prettiest. I want them to find the good in people … even the ones who are mean to them. I want them to be able to pray for the people who treat them poorly.

I want to be an example for my girls.

Mama's, they are watching us.
They are learning from us.

Just last night, I had thrown on a pair of leggings, a t-shirt & hat to go the kids' soccer games. I looked in my bathroom mirror & thought to myself, "good grief, I have GOT to lose weight." I had already decided whenever I got downstairs, I was telling Dan that I am so overweight & just look so "blah." About the time I got to the bottom step, Millie Jo says "Mommy, you just look so cute in that outfit."

I needed that.

Here I am supposed to be teaching her ...

I pray both of my girls always have an uplifting spirit.

I pray that Christ always shines through them.

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Only God

by Whitney Pegram - Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Last week was hard.

I have always read my Bible but it's always been here and there & then when I pray each day, it would be at all different times of the day or whenever I got a moment to myself. But a couple of weeks ago I promised myself that I would start each & every day off in my Bible & with prayer. So last week I started doing just that & it was very obvious that the enemy did NOT like it.

One day I found myself crying .. another day I found myself crying out to God .. & another day I found myself screaming for Satan to flee from me as I physically felt anger creep into my heart. Each day was something different.

And then on Sunday, we go to church & we sing one of my most favorite hymns, It is Well with my Soul, before our pastor started preaching. The title of the service was God's Unwavering Promise. I knew in that moment I was exactly where I needed to be. He talked about God's grace & how He doesn't bless us for our sake but for His Name's sake. And time after time in each scripture our pastor read, it said "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

As I sat there listening, I began to think how true that is & how God always, always, ALWAYS keeps His promise. He was there when my marriage struggled, He was there when I lost my baby girl & He is going to continue to be there through whatever this life brings. I need only be still & trust Him.

Satan was trying over & over again to get me out of my Bible last week & I am positive he will continue to do so ... that's how you know you are on the right path when he is constantly after you. He likes to throw things up in your face to make you think God doesn't care about you. The enemy is a liar.

Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

Fast forward to Monday morning ...

Each month I volunteer at a non profit organization here in our town. On Monday morning before leaving my house, I went downstairs, made my breakfast & sat down with my Bible [I'm pretty sure the enemy is in disgust with me right about now .. #toobadsosad]. Before I began reading, I prayed. I prayed specifically for God to put someone in my path that day that I could help & touch their heart & I prayed for this person having no idea who he/she may be.

Little did I know that my very own heart was the one that was going to be touched.

I was working on the newsletter for the month of June when my mom, who works at the organization, introduces me to a lady named Stacey, who had also been volunteering. Stacey was born in Jamaica & moved to the US when she was a little girl. Sweetest woman you will ever meet. We had only been talking for about 5 minutes when we began to talk about our children. She has three. She asked me how old mine where & I, of course, mentioned Ruthie Belle. The very first thing she said to me after hearing my story, was "Bless you. God is faithful & He has a plan." The more we talked the more I realized just how big this woman's faith in God was. I mean, it was incredible. Her oldest child is currently living in Alaska, she [Stacey] is currently looking for a job & an apartment as she just moved back here from South Carolina & she also has two younger children to care for. But she has given it all to God & will tell you that in a heartbeat.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1

As we sat there, we got quiet for a minute & I got chills. And in that moment I heard God say to me "this is who you prayed for this morning." He was exactly right, I could feel it in my heart. Have you ever been sitting in church & at the end of the service you feel the Lord tugging on your heart to go down to the altar & pray!? Well, that's how I felt when He said those words to me. I felt Him tugging at my heart telling me to tell Stacey that I prayed for her this morning. I sat there wondering how to tell her without her thinking I was crazy & then I finally looked at her & said "you are going to think I am totally crazy, but I can not let you leave here today without knowing that during my quiet time this morning I prayed for you. I had no idea who you were, but I prayed specifically for you. I prayed for God to put someone in my path that I could touch but I had no clue that my heart was the one needing to be touched. Your faith is so BIG & I admire that so much. I needed this conversation so much after the week I had last week." We hugged & cried.

Y'all, I am here to tell you that only God can do something like that. I am getting chills just sitting here typing it.

Another incredible thing in all of this, Stacey wasn't even supposed to volunteer on Monday. She typically does Tuesday & Thursday nights & just happened to come in on Monday morning.

I mean, whhhhhat!?! Only God.
He is SO good!

If I would have listened to the enemy all last week & let him discourage me, I would have closed my Bible, never prayed the prayer I prayed on Monday morning, decided that life is much easier when he is not under attack BUT, I would have missed out on this moment in my life. I don't know about y'all, but I want MORE moments like these in my life!

Is there something the enemy is constantly under attack about in your life!? We have to stand firm & believe that God is always there for us. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Delight yourself in the Lord, & He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

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A Heart That Forgives

by Whitney Pegram - Friday, February 24, 2017

I believe that things happen in our lives for a reason. Whether it be good, bad or down right heartbreaking.

Nothing comes to a surprise to God.

He knows exactly what is going to happen in our lives, when it is going to happen and how we are going to deal with it before we even know.

And it was because of heartache in my very own marriage that I was able to teach my children a few things about ... forgiveness.

I love that God can use anything.

. . .

Cooper came home from school a few weeks ago, dropped his book bag on the floor, sat down on the couch and said "guess what, Mom? Someone stole my sucker right out of my hand today." I, of course, started asking questions and when he got finished explaining what happened he said those four little words . . . "I'm not forgiving him."

A part of me wanted to grab his sweet little face and say "Coop Coop, forgive him." But I think we can all agree, that's easier said than done. I knew what I needed to do and that was to sit him down and explain the importance of forgiveness to him and why we should have forgiving hearts.

What better way to explain it to him than by using Christ?!?

We sat down and I explained to him that God is a God of forgiveness. He died on the cross to save us from our sins . . . we sin daily and when we ask for His forgiveness, He forgives and never looks back. Unlike us, God is perfect so He has no problem not looking back. And as hard is that is for us, we should try not to. We should never hold the past over someone's head. People change. Does that mean we as human beings will forget? Absolutely not. Does that mean we have to continue being friends with someone who has wronged us? Not at all. Does that mean we should be ugly to the person who wronged us? Or talk bad about that person to others and encourage them not to be friends with that person? No. We are suppose to forgive as Christ has forgiven us.

As Cooper sat there listening to me, he says "yea mom, but what if he doesn't say sorry to me?" I looked into those big blue eyes of his and said "Forgive him anyway, Coop. There are going to be times when someone does something to you and isn't sorry but it's our job to forgive them anyway. We have to forgive so our heart can be happy."

Forgiveness is something that can happen right away or it could take years but I made sure that my precious little boy knew that I was praying that he could forgive his classmate sooner rather than later.

Not being able to forgive only affects one person . . . yourself. Having a unforgiving heart will make you so bitter. That's something I never want any of my children to experience.

Later on, I asked him if the roles had been reversed and he was the one who took the sucker, would he had been able to sincerely apologize. He said yes . . . and knowing Cooper, he could. I felt like it was the perfect time though for him to see how he felt being wronged & the importance it is to be able to sincerely apologize when he wrongs someone. Apologizing and admitting your wrong doing is extremely tough. I mean, who wants to admit they were wrong??

We all make mistakes. We've all done something to someone that wasn't nice at some point in our lives ... and if you haven't, I'd love to know.

My prayer is that my children always have a heart that forgives. And that if they wrong someone, they can apologize ... sincerely. The peace it brings is incredible. I want them to know that peace.

And a few weeks ago I blogged about teaching your children to be grateful. You can read it here.

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What is Love?

by Whitney Pegram - Tuesday, February 14, 2017

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The Little Matchbox Car

by Whitney Pegram - Tuesday, January 10, 2017

For as long as Dan & I have been together & talked about having children, we always knew specific things we wanted to teach them. Like how to be respectful, how to stay humble, how to keep your promises, how to be grateful, how to be honest, how to love others as Christ loves us, how to forgive when you've been hurt. And several other important traits to have. But here lately the "how to be grateful" one is what we are working on.

I won't lie, this parenting thing can be hard.

I think we can all agree that we are so spoiled here in America & as the years go by, it only gets worse. I sometimes think what life will be like when my children become adults!?!

I never want any of my children to grow up being ungrateful. When I think of the word ungrateful, I also think of the word miserable. I want my kiddos to be happy & being happy means being grateful.

As parents, we never know when in our children's life a lesson will need to be taught. They don't teach that in the Baby Wise book ... or at least I don't think so!? I never read it so maybe I'm missing something ;).

. . . .

It was a few days after Christmas when I noticed that in this season of life, the grateful trait needed to be our main focus.

It was when I heard Cooper make comments about his Christmas gifts like ... well, I wish I would've gotten the red NC State Helmet & I wanted two wolves, not the symbol. For several days I listened to him make these little comments. I never got mad, but I would call him out on it. In my mind I was thinking "this child just got so much stuff for Christmas that he asked for, why is he acting this way!?"

Cooper is the sweetest little boy. He's tenderhearted, loving, giving & would do anything for anybody so it was so hard for me to see him acting this way.

One day he had went to my mother-in-love's house for a little bit & I get a text from her that says "I'm going to go find Cooper some Panther decals for his helmet." I texted back & said "No, that's the one he asked Santa for & he's keeping it like it is." She of course, agreed. As hard as that was for her! He got home a little later & I went up to his room, told him to put all his toys away & to go get one matchbox car. [Yep, I was THAT mama.] I sat him down on his bed & assured him that he wasn't in trouble but that he had to learn to be grateful. That he has SO many toys to play with & some children in the world only play with dirt all day ever day, that he has 3 different team jerseys when some children in the world have no shirt on their back. Tears just rolled down his face [not "pitching a fit" tears but tears of sadness] as I told him that for the rest of the day the only thing he could play with was that little car. He could take it outside, downstairs, to the playroom ... wherever but that had to be the only thing he played with. And y'all, when the tears started rolling, this mama's heart broke. I knew in that moment that he wasn't intentionally being ungrateful but still, it's mine & Dan's job as his parents to teach him not to be.

The day went by & several times I walked by his room & he was sitting in the floor playing with that little car. He took it everywhere he went that day.

Later that evening he came to me & said "Mama, I've learned my lesson." And of course I made him explain to me exactly what that lesson was & he said "that I need to be happy with all the toys & stuff I have because some kids in the world only have a little car like this to play with."

A lesson was learned. And not only by him, but by Millie Jo too. She saw her big brother play with that little car all day & she will now come up to me & say "I love all my toys, Mommy." :)

Being grateful is something that we have to teach our children ... just like all the other positive traits we want them to have. I don't want to give my children every single thing they want. I want to make sure my kiddos hear me say "thank you" to them & to others. I want them to know to say "thank you" when something is given to them ... whether it be a gift, prayer, compliment, etc. And I want them to have a servants heart & give to children that do only have one car to play with.

I'm not saying he won't ever have an ungrateful moment again but my prayer is that whenever he starts to feel that way, he will think about that little matchbox car.