To Tell You My Story Is To Tell Of Him
Has there ever been a time in your life when you found something out and you remember exactly where you were and exactly how the words made you feel when you heard them? I have and for me it was when I was laying on a doctor bed of an almost empty doctor's office.
One year ago today, I was pregnant with baby number three and woke up with excruciating back pain. The pain you wanted if you were 37+ weeks pregnant .. not 15 weeks. I knew in my mama heart that something wasn't right.
"I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" was the last words I wanted to hear about one of my children from my doctor.
Jesus said, "you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
I often hear people say that God will never give you anything you can't handle. I disagree. Losing one of my children is something I couldn't handle ... without God. God gives us things that He knows we can't handle on our own so we turn to Him. When people hear my story, I want them to know and understand that there is no way Dan & I could have ever gotten through this past year without Him. He gets all the glory, honor and praise.
This year has been painful and heartbreaking but beautiful. Yes, beautiful. I have seen my almighty Savior's hand in it all throughout our entire journey. From the time Dan and I found out that our sweet Ruthie Belle was face to face with Jesus to this very day. And I know and trust that He will continue to be.
I've learned so much in just 12 months ...
Though sometimes we may not understand, God's plans are far greater than ours and in order for Him to reveal His master plan to us, I know I have to keep my eyes to Him. Even after a year, my heartache is still there and sometimes I do still cry, but I do feel healing each and every day.
God continues to use Ruthie Belle's life to change mine.
Lately we have had precious babies all around us ... new cousins and new friends. As I watch Cooper and Millie Jo with them, my heart often aches for them ... and selfishly, me too but at the same time, loving on those babies helps my heart so much.
I have accepted God's will and His will was for Ruthie Belle to stay a tiny, perfect angel.
Jesus, thank you for protecting my sweet baby from something that only You knew about. Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for getting Dan, me, our kiddos and our families through this heartbreaking year. Jesus, I love you and I trust you.