When God Turns Your Mess Into A Message . . .
I love that. God can turn your mess ... yep, the one you created into a beautiful message. But you have to be willing to let Him. When you keep your eyes to Him & trust Him with all of your heart He will use any mess you've made to glorify Him.
If you were to ask me this time last year if I thought God would use me, I would've said no way. Not because I didn't think He could, but because I just felt worthless, defeated & so broken. I had gotten myself into a huge mess & thought there was no way of getting myself out of it. Fast forward to the end of last year ... I knew in my heart that the moment I asked God for forgiveness, He had already forgiven me. So why couldn't I forgive myself? One day I finally realized that Satan wanted me to think all of those things about myself. He wanted me to continue dwelling on the past. The mess I was a part of. He was constantly trying to bring it back up in my face ... the place where I was at my lowest. It wasn't until I completely let the past be the past that I moved on. I stopped letting guilt take over my mind. You want to talk about peace?? Wow.
Fast forward even more into the beginning of this year & we were blessed with our third baby ... little miss Ruthie Belle. Though we will never get to see her here on earth, we will get to see her one day in heaven. And it's because of my baby girl that I got taken completely out of my comfort zone on Sunday. He used her sweet little life. He used her to change my life & use me.
I was asked last month if I would give my testimony at a luncheon on Sunday, July 10th. My first thought was "me, get up in front of people & speak ... oh no, no, no. This can't be how God is using my story. He knows I'm terrified to stand up in front of people ... especially 50+ people!" Instead of saying no right away, like the fear in my head kept telling me to, I said "let me pray about it." That night I began to pray & ask God to help me make this decision. It wasn't 5 minutes later & I felt Him say to me "is this not what you have been praying for? You pray everyday asking Me to use you & your heartache." That next day I told them I would. I did a lot of praying for strength, peace & comfort ... & also that I wouldn't pass out while standing up there in front of everyone. Last week I started getting excited to share my story & how God has been working in my life. Satan noticed the joy that was in my heart & immediately started trying to steal it from me. Things like ... 'you aren't good enough to be giving your testimony, God can't use you' ran through my head a lot but I continued to quote scripture & told him to flee from me. Well, July 10th came ... fast ... & I had the privilege of sharing my testimony. God gave me the strength to get through it just like I had asked Him to. I didn't do it for me. I did it for Him & Him alone. I was actually asked afterwards to share it again soon & I'm super excited/nervous about it. God is so good & I pray daily that He is the one who will always get all the glory & praise.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future"