A Letter to my Sweet Angel
My sweet Ruthie Belle,
I love you.
I love you so, so much.
I will never understand why you were taken away from me so soon but what I do know is that I trust God completely & I know that He will take this heartache & use it for His glory & His glory alone. It still doesn't make me miss you any less though.
Every day is hard but Saturdays are the hardest. That was the day we hit our weekly mark in my pregnancy. We would be going into week 27. It sounds crazy but sometimes it feels like you are moving around in my belly. I wish so bad that were the case, but it's not.
I often find myself looking up at the sky thinking about just how beautiful you are. I would love to still be carrying you in my belly, seeing your sweet face in October, bringing you home, showing you off to the world & getting you dressed head to toe every day. I miss listening to your heartbeat while you were still in my belly. I miss thinking of how your nursery would look.
I miss you. I never even got to meet you but my goodness, I miss you so much.
And my heart still aches.
You have a big brother named Cooper & he is so funny. I know he would be the one to make you laugh all the time. He calls you his angel. He says all the time that you are up in heaven eating cookies & drinking milk with Jesus. You also have a big sister named Millie Jo who talks about you all the time & has also named some of her baby dolls after you. There's no doubt in my mind that she would've been the best big sister to you. They both pray for you every night & they both love you very much.
I could go on & on about your daddy. He's silly, loving & would do anything for anybody. The day we found out you no longer had a heartbeat, he cried. He cried so much. Oh, Ruthie Belle, he loves you. How I wish that I could've seen him hold you & call you beautiful all the time just like he does me & Millie Jo. I know, like me, he thinks about you all the time. You will always be his baby girl.
Since May there has been a touch of pink in the sky almost every day. I take that as you saying "Smile, Mommy. I'm ok!"
I've never been one to like it when the sun shines while it's raining but I've found myself loving it lately.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Oh, how I would have loved to meet you, my sweet girl.
Some days are harder than others. I don't think it will ever not hurt.
You, my sweet girl, have changed my life completely.
Ruthie Belle, you will always & forever hold a special place in my heart. Words can't even begin to describe the love I have for you. You are & will always be my little girl. And as bad as my heart aches, I know that I will get to hold you in my arms one day.
I love you, my little sunshine.
During each of my pregnancies, I write a letter to my unborn babies. I never dreamed that I would be writing a letter to one of my children in heaven . . . but I am.