RUTHIE BELLE [OCTOBER 29, 2019] - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama

RUTHIE BELLE [OCTOBER 29, 2019]

by - Tuesday, October 29, 2019

October 29, 2016.

That was the due date that my doctor gave us at your eight week ultrasound.

We were eight weeks down & had thirty-two to go.

I knew that you being baby number three, you could have came anytime before that though.  But, if you were anything like your big sister, you would wait until exactly forty weeks to make your grand entrance.

Fall is my favorite time of the year & how fun would it be to have a newborn in the fall season!

I remember thinking how tiny you would be for your first pumpkin patch experience.

What was I going to dress you up as for Halloween?

How tiny you would be for your first Thanksgiving.

We would celebrate your first Christmas with you being only two months old.

I had so many plans for you the moment those two pink lines showed up on my pregnancy test.

But God.

But God, Ruthie Belle.  He had other plans for you.  He had the ultimate plan for your life just as He always does for everyone.  His plan was never meant for you to be on this earth & for a very long time, the human in me questioned why.

But God, sweet girl.  But God.  You were too perfect for this earth.

His purpose for your life was accomplished in just sixteen short weeks.

How incredible.

He continues to use you to change me.

He continues to use you to show His faithfulness.

He continues to use you to show that He is near to the brokenhearted.

He continues to use you through me & your amazing daddy to share the story of your life to others who are going through this heartache.

Last night, your baby sister let me rock her to sleep.  And I can assure you that NEVER happens but God knew my heart needed that.  As I rocked her, I cried.  But not tears of sadness, these were tears of joy & thankfulness that only God can give after such heartache.  I never got to hold you in my arms, but I am so thankful that I had the privilege to carry you in my womb for those sixteen weeks.  It brings my heart so much joy that you will never know hurt that this world often gives.  As I rocked her, I praised God for the trials we face in this life.

I am thankful for the pain that my heart endured when I saw you lifeless on the ultrasound machine screen & the months years after that.

I am thankful for your life because without you in it, I would not be who I am today.  God used you to change me.  You will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

My sweet Ruthie Belle, today you would have been THREE!  Today is your day & just like every year since 2016, we will celebrate you.

I'll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in Heaven.

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