Christmas After A Miscarriage - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama

Christmas After A Miscarriage

by - Wednesday, December 21, 2016

It's no secret at all that I love Christmas.  Celebrating the birth of Jesus, spending time with my family, running house to house, seeing the smiles on my kiddos' faces as they see all the things Santa has brought them on Christmas morning.  Watching them believe in all the magic. I love everything about it.  But I would be lying if I said that this year I didn't feel like there's a part of me missing.  Like a little bit of my Christmas spirit just isn't there. And though I know my sweet Ruthie Belle is in heaven, I can't help but think about what five stockings would look like hanging on our mantle or how I thought this Christmas we would have a 6 year old, almost 4 year old & a 2 month old all around our Christmas tree together on Christmas morning.  Or even how different our Christmas card would have looked this year.

A few weeks ago when we took Cooper & Millie Jo to see Santa, behind us in line was a tiny newborn baby.  Dan noticed right after I did & without me even having to say anything he saw straight to my heart.  He knew that in my mind I was thinking "Ruthie Belle would have been so tiny sitting on Santa's lap with her big brother & big sister."  Oh, I would have loved to see that.

I found a ornament of an angel holding a baby angel last month & just knew I needed it for our tree.   I love it so much & the meaning it has behind it.  I know without a doubt that my girl is being loved on so much.   Finding ways to remember Ruthie Belle is very important to me.  I want her to be a part of our life & our Christmases forever. 

Some days my heartache hits me so much harder than I ever thought was possible but I do feel like my heart is healing and I know it's all because of God.  I can't imagine going through anything like this past year without Him.

Merry Christmas, my sweet angel girl.
I love you so very much!

My prayer today is for those who are struggling with miscarriage, whether it has been recently or years ago.  Know that I am praying for you & for your heart.  I am also praying for those struggling with infertility.  I struggled to get pregnant with Millie Jo after I had Cooper & I know that it can be so hard ... and even more heartbreaking.

"Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You.  I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands."
Psalm 63:3-4

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