FIVE YEARS LATER ... - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama


by - Monday, May 03, 2021

 Five years later and I can still feel that heartache I felt when my doctor confirmed that our baby girl no longer had a heartbeat at 15 weeks pregnant.  I think a part of me knew what that ultrasound was going to reveal, but after having two healthy pregnancies before, surely I wouldn't be the one to lose one of my babies.

Five years later and there are still days that I just long to know who she would have been.

Five years later and I can still remember what she looked like curled up in my womb on that ultrasound screen.

Five years later and I still wonder who she would have looked like.

Five years later and I can still remember just wanting to get out of that doctor's office.

Five years later and I can still remember going home empty handed from the hospital two days later.

Last week, while we were in Florida, I saw this sunset and immediately said to my family, "Look at Ruthie Belle tonight!"  God always puts a little bit of pink in the sky just when I need it.

A friend of mine asked a question last week of "When did you know that Jesus was real?" And while I've always believed He was real, I can tell you that going through the loss of one of my own children, there is no way that I could have gotten through that without Him.

Five years later and God is still fulfilling His purpose for her life as I get ready to lead a miscarriage counseling ministry in our community.

Five years later and I continue to see the evidence of God all over Ruthie Belle's life.

Five years later and I can still feel the presence of Jesus even in my time of heartache.

I'll hold you in my heart until I hold you in Heaven, sweet girl.

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