WIFE GUILT - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama


by - Thursday, February 20, 2020

We often hear women talk about the mom guilt.  You know, the need a break from our babes but then as soon as we are away, we wish they were with us.  The days we count down to bedtime just so we can have a minute of quiet, only to want to go wake them up when they are sleeping so soundly.   What about the times when we finally do something for ourselves for a change only to feel so bad about it because "gosh, that money could have went to something we could have all done as a family."  Tell me I'm not the only one!

But what we don't often hear women talk about is the wife guilt.

Because y'all, IT IS A REAL THING.

Before babies, we were all our man's.  Well, minus the occassional friend outing once in a blue moon.  Spontaneous date night?  Heck yea, I'm there.  Staying up binge watching Netflix until early hours of the morning because "just one more episode."  Count me in.  Staying out late on a double date? Yessss.  Cuddling up on a Saturday morning after sleeping in?  Yes, please.  What about the days where us ladies actually got dressed, did our hair & make up every single day for our man?

And then one day, we decided to start a family.

Before I go any further, I want to say that I am in no way saying children are an inconvenience or not wanted.  I know how extremely blessed we are to be parents & I wouldn't trade it for the world.  This post is just simply sharing the guilt we have as wives.  If you're new here, I'm crazy about my babies!

I'm not even going to lie, some days, my hubby comes home & I still haven't even showered nor brushed my teeth.  I'm still rocking my pjs at 5pm & let's face it, in this season of life, if it's not pajamas, it's leggings that I am living in.  And the mom bun, well, it's my go to.

I cook dinner & try really hard to have it on the table for when my hubby walks through the door & sometimes ... okay, 9 times out of 10, that doesn't happen.  Maybe I had to stop & hold a toddler, or stop to help with homework, or stop to fix a cup of juice, or stop because a child is screaming from the bathroom "I NEED TOILET PAPER!"  But nonetheless, I try.

Dinner time, bath time, family time ... that pretty much consists of wrestling matches ... & then finally bed time, all happen  It's then time for us to go to bed.  Well, not so fast.  I still have the kitchen to clean up from dinner, the house to pick up .. only for it to be a mess again in 10 hours .. & don't even get me started on the load of laundry that has now been washed not one, not two but THREE times & now needs to be switched.  Oh, & I still need to shower.  I'm getting tired just typing it all right now.

Then, we finally climb into bed & are able to talk about our day  ... except you're a man & men have needs ... if you know what I'm saying.  BUT, babe ... I AM JUST SO TIRED!  I'm well aware that it's been a week ... or two ... but who is counting!?!  So we say not tonight & I can't deny it, I go to sleep feeling so guilty.

Wife guilt.  Gahhhh!

Hubbies, it's not that we don't want you.  We do, we really do.  Trust us, we see you.  I promise.  It's just tough raising these tiny little humans that God has entrusted us with & juggling all the other things, too.  Is it fun!?!  YES!  But, also so exhausting.  Do we remember what it was like before babies?  Yep.  It's not that we don't want to fix up for you, it's just finding the time during the day to actually do so.  Believe me, it is not our goal as wives to push you to the back burner in this season of life.

But, here's the truth girls ... like it or not, here it comes ... as wives, we are to make our husbands a priority.  God first, hubby second, & then our children.  And just so you know, I'm preaching to the choir.  I'm guilty.  We may be so dang tired, but they need us & truthfully, we need them too.  We can't do it all, even though sometimes we like to think we can.  Take it from a wife whose hubby's love language is quality time ... THEY NEED OUR ATTENTION.  They thrive off of it!  They are better hubbies & fathers when they get that attention from us.  They just don't throw down on the kitchen floor in a melt down like toddlers do to let you know they need you.  Or maybe your hubby does!?!  HA!  But, mine is 6'4 & the day he throws down & flops around on the floor like a fish out of water, I can only hope I get it on video.

It's hard.  I know.  I'll be the first to admit it.  I have even been guilty of going out on a date with my hubby only for us to sit there in quiet just because it was just that ... quiet.  And I needed it.

How is that even fair to him??  It's not.

Text him randomly during the day just to let him know you're thinking of him.

Go by his work & take him lunch.

Cook his favorite meal.

If he's working late one night, have the babes bathed & in bed so y'all can have time together.  Sure, it's a little extra work on you, but, our marriages are so worth it!

Girlfriends, don't we all want our marriage to be the kind of marriage that when others look at us, they can see the Gospel?  That our marriage reflects Jesus.  A marriage that is full of grace & forgiveness.  I want to live out the commitment we made to one another & to God.  I want my marriage to so desperately need Jesus every single day.

So yes, the wife guilt is there, but it doesn't have to be.

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