How God Saved Our Marriage :: The Physical Affair - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama

How God Saved Our Marriage :: The Physical Affair

by - Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Mark 10:9

As much as we would have loved for our last post to be the end of our story, it isn't.  Things got way worse ... and fast.


[Whitney] After the emotional affair, I thought Dan and I were doing well.  We bought a new house, we continued going to the same church, we started hanging out with friends, including the other couple involved ... again.  Mistake number one of many in this situation.

In March 2015, Satan went under attack ... again.  And boy did he ever.  Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy and I fell right into his lies.  He makes sin look SO good and in this situation he made it look really good.  So good in fact that in March I started having an affair on Dan ... again.  With the same man.  Except this time, it went from emotional to physical.  I fell so deep into the lies of Satan.  My affair went on for almost four months before we were caught ... again.

Facebook can be a good thing but it can also be a horrible thing.  All of mine and this man's communication was going on through Facebook messenger.  And it was happening ALL the time.  We were seeing each other often at church and in our friend group but I knew things were different this time when at the end of March we started meeting at different secluded places.  It was the start of something God had no part of except for giving Satan permission to attack both of our marriages.  And I know that because He had big plans to turn this HUGE mess into something He could use for His glory.

During those four months, things between Dan & I were falling apart & fast.  We argued all the time & when we did, Dan would bring up things from 2014 and I would get so defensive.  Red flag for him.  I was trying to hide the fact that I was seeing another man and I thought if I could make Dan look like the bad guy, it would justify what I was doing.  During time with Dan and our children, it was as if I wasn't even there.  I was so caught up in this affair and constantly on my phone.  I missed so much time during the spring & half of the summer of 2015 of my children's lives all because of selfishness.  

We had just bought a new house and I spent so much time painting and getting rooms ready but not because I wanted to be there.  I did it so our children would have a place to call home even if I wasn't there.  Even if their mom & dad weren't together anymore. Because I "loved" this man and I was leaving Dan for him.  And he had even resigned from being the pastor. 

[Daniel] In June we went on family vacation to Florida with all of my family.  I knew then that something wasn't right when the other man and Whitney were friends again on Facebook.  Especially after the emotional affair had happened.  Because even though we all still hung out together, my guard was up and they weren't communicating ... or so I thought.  We were sitting at the pool and I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if the two of them were talking behind my back again.  She once again got defensive and said no.  We of course started arguing and I ended up going out with my brother that afternoon and we found a bar on the beach.  And it was at that point I figured out that the more I drank, the more I realized that the thought of them two together slowly faded away and the arguments stopped for me.  At this point, I was tired of fighting and that's why even though I knew something was going on, I didn't even try to fight.  The way I saw it was whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

[Whitney]  We came back from vacation and I continued to lie right to Dan's face and continued to have this physical affair with this man who was not my husband. And Dan continued to drink.  The more he drank, the further away from him I got.  The other man & I met almost every day and continued to talk ALL day every day.  Him & his wife were arguing all the time and eventually they stopped hanging around our friend group.  Many times I thought to myself "this isn't right" but Satan just kept making it look so good and things between Dan & I were horrible by this time.  This man was showing me attention that I was definitely not getting at home [and no, I don't blame Dan for that one bit] so why not?!?  

Our children watched and heard Dan and I fight almost every day.  Our little girl, Millie Jo, was only two so she didn't really know but Cooper, our little boy, was five and his attitude completely changed.  He always talked about us fighting and even months after everything happened, he would ask us if we were still going to be a family.  No child should ever have to worry about that or hear their parents fight day and night.

On the night of July 24, 2015, I was laying in bed and Dan was downstairs asleep in the recliner.  I get a text from the other man's wife with a screen shot of mine and his Facebook message.  And everything had been deleted except for the part where I told him that I loved him.  We had been caught ... again and this time, I honestly had no idea what was going to happen.  I walked downstairs, wanting to throw up everywhere and woke Dan up.  She had already texted him the same text she sent me.  I'll never forget the look on Dan's face when he read it. 

[Daniel] Even though I had suspected something, the fact that I now really knew was like someone had literally took a knife and stabbed me right through my chest.  I was hurt but more than anything I was beyond mad.

[Whitney]  It wasn't long, maybe 30 minutes, and the whole world of Facebook knew.  The same screen shot she had sent me was posted and my entire family was tagged. And at that point, there was nothing I could do about it except deactivate my account and prepare myself for all the consequences that were to come. 

Dear Heavenly Father,
You know how hard it was for us to sit down and write this post.  To relive this time in our lives.  Jesus, You are good and we know that You are using us and our story for Your glory.  We pray that if someone is reading this and are going through a similar situation that You will give them peace and understanding that only You can give.  We pray they turn their eyes to You.  Lord, please heal their broken hearts.  Heal their marriage.
We ask these things in Your name,

If you have missed any of our previous posts on How God Saved Our Marriage, you can read them here ...

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  1. Praying for y'all today. Praying this post helps someone else struggling in their marriage. We can manage to get SO lost but HE can always find us.

  2. What a terrible feeling but I imagine your marriage is stronger than ever!

  3. I have chills I cannot imagine but I know your story of redemption gets better from here! So so powerful Whitney. xoxo ERIN

    1. Thanks Erin! It took 3 years and a lot of prayer to be able to put it out there. My prayer is that it helps a marriage that may be struggling and a couple who thinks that it is too far gone. Nothing is impossible with God!