How God Saved Our Marriage : Our First Year of Marriage - The Perfectly Imperfect Mama

How God Saved Our Marriage : Our First Year of Marriage

by - Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Mark 10:9

Daniel & I were engaged for eight months before we got married.  What a fun few months those were.  I LOVED planning our wedding!

We said "I do" on April 25, 2009.  Besides it being an extremely hot spring day, our wedding day was perfect.  A day neither one of us will ever forget.  We honeymooned in Cabo San Lucas and it was incredible.  We were living the newlywed life and loving every minute of it.

After our honeymoon, we came home to our brand new house that we had just bought together a few weeks before our wedding and started our life together as a married couple.  We had never lived together before and no one tells you just how hard it is going to be to learn to live with someone else ... no matter how much you love that person.  It's no longer just yourself that you think about, it's someone else's feelings you have to think about as well.

It was never a question of whether or not we wanted children.  We always knew we wanted a house full and we wasted no time at all starting a family.  We found out we were expecting our first baby in July 2009, just three months after we got married.  Some thought we were crazy because we were so young and had only been married a few months but we will both tell you that if we had to do it over again, we still would have had our babies young.

The majority of our first year of marriage was spent with Whitney pregnant and the first four months of her pregnancy she suffered from severe morning sickness so she was in the bed pretty much for those few months.  To say our first year married wasn't like most couples would be an understatement but this is the life we chose to live and we were living it.  We still very much enjoyed year number one but instead of putting our entire focus on the two of us and learning how to actually live with one another, we had a new baby to think about too.

March 2010 came fast and we welcomed our beautiful blue eyed baby boy.  And I guess you could say that's when some of our marriage struggles started.  Not because of him, but because other issues came about ...

Anyone who has children knows and will tell you just how demanding and tiring those newborn/infant/toddler days are.  And if you aren't careful your marriage can be put on the back burner very fast. Plus add a husband who was having to travel all over the United States for work for several months leaving me at home, exhausted with our new baby.  I was bitter toward Dan.  Instead of me being grateful that he had a job to not only provide for our family but that allowed me to stay home and raise our baby, I thought how dare he leave me to raise this child by myself.  And then him not understanding why I was so upset and why I felt the way I did.  We both just stayed angry at each other.  I look back now and see that's not what he was doing at all.  He has always had our family's best interest at heart.  And all those petty arguments we use to have could have been much less.  Not only all of those issues, I was dealing with post baby weight, having such a hard time with my self image because my body looked NOTHING like it did before I had a baby.  I just felt horrible.  Dan would reassure me often that I was beautiful no matter what but I would always respond with "you're just saying that because you're my husband and have to."

It was just a really tough season in our marriage.  And this was only year one.  Why was it already so tough?!?

One of our main weaknesses in our marriage, and we both agree 100%, is lack of communication.  For years of our marriage I thought Dan could read my mind and he thought I could read his.  Let me assure you, it does NOT work like that and if you think your spouse is a mind reader, get that out of your head now.  Dan had no idea for weeks that I was so bitter toward him for leaving me home alone with a newborn until finally I let it all build up and exploded one day.  In my mind, I thought he should've known that.

I can remember some of our family memebers trying to encourage us to go to counseling and both of us being totally against it.  We said things like "Why?  There's nothing wrong in our marriage.  We don't need someone to tells us how to do this.  We will figure this out ourselves."  I mean, excuse after excuse.  Who really likes to admit they need counseling?  Especially marriage counseling.

A couple years went by and Dan finally stopped traveling.  We continued living our life, swept that "tiny" issue of communication under the rug (counseling, psssh...who needs that!?! Not us.), we never addressed my body issues and  soon started trying for baby number two.  Before we knew it, we were becoming a family of four.

Looking back, boy we wish we would have listened and went to counseling during those first two years of marriage.  Maybe then those issues wouldn't have snuck back in on us five-six years later almost completely destroying our marriage.

We don't tell you all of this to scare you out of marriage if you aren't already married.  We have had a good marriage, we have been blessed tremendously, God has been and continues to be so good to us but we want to be real with you and let you know that marriage takes a lot of hard work.  Even with God in your marriage, going to church every week, trials and hard times do still come.  God allows those things to happen to test our faith and trust in Him.  We want you to know where we started from and share with you where we are today.  We want to share things we should have done differently so that if you are just starting out on the marriage journey or are years into it, you won't make the same mistakes we made.  We want to help, even if it's just one marriage.  We want our story to be a blessing to you.



Jesus,
You are good.  You have brought our marriage through so much and we praise You.  Lord, we ask that you heal any marriage that is broken.  May we keep our eyes to you always.
In Your holy name we pray,
Amen.













If you've missed weeks one - three of our marriage series you can find them here ...





And if there is anything at all we can pray for you about, please email us at whitpegram@gmail.com




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